Loss: Coping With Death From Abroad

One of the hard parts of living so far from family is never knowing when will be the last time you see someone alive. Health and youth are not immune to accidents. Age and infirmity do not necessarily rush death. But what if you do have an idea that it's the last time?

We've just experienced both the expected and the unexpected within a week.

When we  visited this winter break, one of the challenges was knowing how to balance the hope for recovery from a very grave illness with the reality of what normally happens: death.We accepted reality and still held on to hope... which produces another challenge: When someone has made a monumental impact on your life, it's hard to balance wanting to squeeze all of the time with them possible and just letting things flow naturally so that the last bit of normalcy can create memories to savor.

But then, we lost another family member first, unexpectedly. And we were sad. And we were thankful we had visited just a month or so ago. And we were thankful we DID have so many great memories of both people.

Living an international life makes room for many different memories and relationships. We're glad that we have the base of strong family relationships in the States of people who genuinely want the best for us and, though they miss us, are also happy that we are able to experience so many things.  We are also glad that we are living our dreams now instead of waiting for everyone to be gone and then be left with less experience and energy to go abroad... but it is a two-edged decision. Being abroad helps you appreciate family more, which means you miss them more, pack more into the tangible moments you get and that the distance softens any would-be irritating qualities. It's not as easy to take people for granted this way. We're grateful for such a strong family bond. We're grateful for all of the new people we've been able to meet. We hate to be away when the family is coping with death. There is always this tenuous relationship between loving and letting go for both sides.

While Ben was discussing if he would go back for the funeral, he weighed the expense with the experience and ended with the thought: "what's money, anyways, if you can't use it as a tribute to the relationships in life." Because really, that's the point. The formative relationships we had with family enrich every experience we have now.

Life abroad highlights the ups and downs: You have to love hard when you get the chance and appreciate the chances you get. 

Jet Lag and Waffles

Jet lag is serious business when you're flying 10 hours into the future with a baby deeply rooted into a routine sleeping schedule. What this means for us is that Elias wakes up at 2 in the morning yelling "Bite! Bite!" and wanting to run around and play.

So what do you do when it's 2 AM and you can't sleep and everyone's hungry?

Make waffles!

Talia seems to be the one least affected by jet lag at the moment... perhaps it comes from tapping into her night owl tendencies and going to bed at supper rather than earlier:

If nothing else, I've learned how spoiled I was with a baby on a routine. Supposedly it takes a day for every hour you are off schedule to adjust back to routine, so we've got a good week left to try out this theory. I've also learned how much I love this recipe for waffles:

1 3/4 cup whole wheat flour
2 eggs
1 3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup oil
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 cup chopped pecans (optional)
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 cup wheat germ OR wheat bran OR quick oats OR fruit OR whatever (I used quick oats.)

Mix up and can be used for pancakes or waffles.  Double recipe for more than 4 people.

*Disclaimer* Waffles, though delicious, do not aid in remedying jet lag. They do produce symptoms of slight "swelling" of the midsection if consumed often enough. Especially slathered in real butter and local honey. You should try them anyway.

Kids Unscripted: Chapter 12

Talia: "What happens if the road curves and you keep going straight?"
Me: "I think you should ask Papi, he did that one time..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talia: "One way to make a baby have fun is to skip while holding her!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Talia: "That burp just grabbed some gas from my tummy and threw it out!
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Talia: "Do you know of a vacuum cleaner that flies when you hold the handle?"
Me: "Hmmm, nooo, not yet..."
Talia: "It's probably in a tornado..."
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Aunt Chel: "Talia, do you want to help make peach cobbler?"
Talia: "Yes, I want to make peach toddler!"
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Talia: "What would happen if you were in Abu Dhabi and you got the juice from a pear and you put it in a plate and you took it outside?"
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 Talia: "What would happen if you took something too tiny to see, stretched it out and stuffed something small inside it and closed it up and then smashed it?"
Temaw:(what she calls her grandma) "Maybe nuclear fusion!?!?"
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 Talia: "(Aunt Chel) has (stuffed) lions and tigers and zebras in her room, so I shut the door really fast so they wouldn't get out!"
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Talia: " Babies need two seatbelts, but big kids only need one.... but really big people probably need three."
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Elias: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!"
Talia: "Elias, when you don't get your way you're supposed to say 'Oh, well!'"
Me: LOL!

NOT Seen in Abu Dhabi...

Visiting the States for winter break has allowed us some memories that we wouldn't have had in Abu Dhabi... like: wearing mouse ear muffs in cold weather!

Finding snails to feed the chickens:

Playing with the snowman that her grandma put in the freezer when it snowed while we were out of town.

We are really enjoying all of the different-ness of the weather and environment and soaking up memories to take back with us.

Seen in Abu Dhabi; 5

The Corniche part of Abu Dhabi is designed for bikes of all kinds. You can rent four-wheeled bikes, trikes, bicycles with covered carts pulled behind for small children to ride in and I'm sure there's more. However, these are restricted to the path built for them so that the parks are safer for pedestrians and small children.

Winter Break 2013: Distance Heightens Appreciation of Family

Ben's teaching position get's three breaks: summer, spring and winter. For the summer break, since we hadn't been in Abu Dhabi very long, we just took a short trip up to Spain and Portugal. We planned to spend winter in Abu Dhabi, enjoying the 70 degree temperatures and then visit the States in the summer.

If you know anything about plans, then you know that it is best to hold them loosely and be willing to adapt to new circumstances. A phone call from home about a serious family illness changed our plans and had us on a 29 hour traveling spree to the U.S. When it comes to priorities and plans, family is more important. It's nice to be able to make that decision at the last minute and manage to visit so far away. I recognize how much of a blessing that is this time- if it had happened at another time we might not have been able to come. Really, though the sickess is not the best reason to come, it provided an opportunity to show our family how much we love and value them. They are worth a trip home at the last minute if needed.

 While we are here we are soaking up the cold, rainy temperatures to bring back and remember in the desert. Otherwise annoying, drizzly drives are appreciated and filed away for searing, humid days and family is cherished. Homecooking and REAL hugs are savored. Would we appreciate family and drizzly days as much if we didn't live so far away? I wish I could say we would be as grateful, but it's invariable that human nature would have us taking things for granted in the way our tendency for survival drums down the high emotions with mundane normalcy... So perhaps living so far away is helping us to appreciate them more. Right now, we are thankful.

Kids Unscripted; Chapter 11

Talia: (drawing) "I'm going to make more than one ant so that he doesn't get lonesome."
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Talia: "Dates are like God's candy!"
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Talia: (to Elias, who refuses ANYTHING that remotely resembles baby food) "Don't cry if you can't get it when you didn't want it!"
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Talia: (looking at a rare Happy Meal of fries and chicken nuggets.) "Um, mommy, that's only junk food. Can I have a cucumber, please?"
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Talia: "Can you tell me a story about a brown and white rabbit named 'potato?'"
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Talia: "That's not bell pepper, it's the smiley faced kind."
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Talia: (after seeing the silly string on the sidewalk from the 41st anniversary of the U.A.E.) "Thread you use to sew must be called serious string."
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Talia: "Mommy, do they use a really big marker to make the stripes on the road?"
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Talia: "Mommy, you're a really good potato head doctor!"
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Me: (to Elias) "Here's some water."
Elias: (points from the water to his mouth.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Talia: "I was trying to read that book while I was sleeping, but it was hard 'cuz my eyes were closed." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Talia: "When I have just one ear plugged up, I feel like a boat that's going to tip over." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Talia: "Mommy, do you know what ribs are like? They are like a bowl that is cut in half and then turned around!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doodles

Talia's art always makes me smile... Especially as it has been getting more detailed. Seeing the world from her perspective is always an adventure. Take this car, for example:

And these colorful bubbles with faces that we traced different round things from around the house and then filled in. Her faces made me laugh!

This picture is supposed to be a restaurant for people who have a tummy ache. The menu included oatmeal, fruit smoothies and mint tea.

We colored and cut out shapes and she turned them into this robot with a ball:

This picture is supposed to be a 3 seater bicycle with places for people to climb up. To me it resembles a disproportionate grocery cart.

Vanilla Yogurt Streusel Loaves- (Or, More Fall Baking)

Getting a cinnamon candle would probably save calories if my aim were only to make the house smell autumny. Except, couldn't that backfire? Then, I'd be smelling the cinnamon which would inspire desire for the baked goods, right?

Ingredients:
1/4 cup of Oil
½ cup of rawSugar
1 cup of Yogurt
1 tsp of Vanilla
1 tsp of Baking Powder
½ tsp of Baking soda
¼ tsp of Salt
2 Eggs
2 cups of wheat Flour

 

For the Streusel Topping:

½ cup of Brown Sugar
¼ cup of Raw Sugar
1 1/12 Tbsp of Unsalted Butter, melted
½ tsp of Cinnamon
¼ tsp of Salt

I'll get back to you after I finish running...

Seen in Abu Dhabi; 4

These ornate short dining tables were on display at one of the booths for the International Date Festival.

International Date Festival

Once upon a time my grandmother handed me a large, dried, brown fruit. I was suspicious, but took it into the other room with my grandfather and put it in my mouth... and almost gagged. One of the only things I didn't like to eat growing up was raisins, and this tasted like a raisin, but with even stronger flavor. I could tell, without even chewing! So, like any 4 year old, I took it back out of my mouth. My grandfather then noticed that I hadn't eaten it (but not that I had tried) and asked if I were going to eat it, because if not he wanted it. What was I to do? I handed to him and let HIM eat the raisin-like thing.

 I later learned that this raisin-like thing was called a prune, and I actually like raisins AND prunes today... but that memory still leaves me wary of brown fruit that comes in the shape of a big water bug. So, even though dates are a very important part of the culture here, I could never work up the courage to try them, until our friends invited us to the International Date Festival held at the convention center here in Abu Dhabi.

 There were all sorts of nationalities and types of dates. One brochure claimed that there were over 300 different kinds, and many of these were available to taste. Some dates are a mushy paste inside, and I found that I did not prefer that kind. My favorite was from Saudi Arabia. It has a chewy texture and a nutty, almost caramel flavor. It's like eating candy, but better for you! Dates have a lot of fructose and about 20 calories each for the smaller ones and around 65 for some of the larger medjool dates. Though they have more calories than most fruits, they make a great substitute for processed sweets. They are also good sources of fiber, potassium and other important vitamins and minerals... so we picked up a pack of the kind I like.
Dates are made into many types of cookies, candies, and even date-flavored milk. We also got some "date honey," which is more like a syrup, to try.

At the convention, along with many types of dates to sample with coffee, there were also tiny date palm seedlings, a tower made out of dates, a date palm tree to climb- rock wall version, and other typical goods.

Dates are definitely more delicious than I thought!

You Know You Have a Toddler When...

-There's a border of hand prints about two feet from the floor where he/she has walked around the walls.

-Picking up and putting him/her down all day is seriously toning your biceps.

-Every dining experience requires extensive floor cleanup afterwards. Unless you have a dog.

-Having time to yourself is a luxury, sleeping through the night is priceless and yet, time away from the munchkin still leaves you missing them not long after parting.

-On a normal day you can choose between having a clean kid or clean clothes, but not both and sometimes neither.

-You have learned how to interpret a variety of the toddler version of non-words.

-Playing chase is impossible because the child still wants to run TO you rather than away from you.

-Knowing your child feels loved and secure is a more satisfying feeling than any other experience you can imagine.

I am positive that this list is not exhaustive... and though true for my family, may not be for yours. What would be on your list?

Kids Unscripted: Chapter 10

Talia (laying on my lap and Elias comes and pokes her tummy): "That tickles!"
Elias: "Tee-kow, tee-kow!"
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Talia: "I am the 'Yes Ma'am,' Elias is the 'Yes Sir,' you are the 'No Ma'am' and Papi is the 'No Sir.'"
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Me: "Would you like banana in your oatmeal?"
Talia: "Anything you would like to put in there, I would like!"
Me: "Muahahaha!"
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Talia: "Mommy, I gave Elias some banana, but I licked the yogurt off first."
Me: "GROSS!"
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Talia: "Mommy! Elias bit my toe!"
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Talia: (singing a made up song) "Mama, Mama, Mamaaaaa, you're not perfect for my heart!"
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Talia: "Vinegar, that's the name of a dog!"
Me: "Are you talking about Whitaker?"
Talia: "Yeah, Whitaker..."
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Talia: (to me) "When you hug me it makes me feel special!"
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Ben: (to Talia) "It's time to go upstairs and read a book."
Talia: "Yay! I was going to do that anyway so I'm glad that's what you told me to do!"
Me: "Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way..."
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Talia: "I put on my yellowest clothes."
Me: "Those are light green..."
Talia: "These were the closest to yellow!"
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Talia: "What does my shirt she gave me say?"
Me: (spelling) "G, U, E, S, S- it says 'guess.'"
Talia: "But I can't guess if I already know!"
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Talia: "What would happen if you put fish on the clothesline?"
Me: "Why would you put fish on the clothesline?"
Talia: "We would put them there to dry before we ate them!"

Cinnamon-Apple-Stuffed Bread; (or the 'I Miss Fall' post)

My mom sent me a video of colored leaves falling, not leaves falling because they were so thirsty from the desert sun, but because it was fall!

 That made me start thinking about fall.

Abu Dhabi is particularly nice at this time. The 120 degree temperatures have dipped down into the 70's-at-night-90's-by-day' range and should stay there until April or May... it's gorgeous weather! It's just not fall. So, we compromised by filling the house with a different kind of fall: the smell of baked cinnamon and apples put inside of a braided bread.

This creation, inspired by eatliverun.com, begins with three peeled and cored, and then sliced apples.

 

 Then, if you have a good helper like I do, get them to squeeze 2 teaspoons of lemon juice on top.

Then, they can add the 3 tablespoons of raw sugar, 2 tablespoons of cinnamon and mix it up.

 

While the apples are baking at 350* for 15 minutes, mix 2 1/2 cups of whole wheat flour, 1/4 cup of raw sugar, 1 tablespoon of instant yeast, 3/4 teaspoon of salt, 1 cup of warm water and 2 1/4 teaspoons oil.

On a greased surface, knead the dough and roll out into a 12x16 inch rectangle. Use a pizza cutter to make strips leaving 1/3 of the center solid. Fill the center with baked cinnamon apple mixture and then braid it up!

Bake at 350* for 25 minutes or until brown. Enjoy the fall smell while it's baking. 

For a simple glaze, I just melted a little butter and added raw sugar to brush on the top and finished by sprinkling with cinnamon... it was not super sweet this way, but still tasty. The original recipe has a glaze if you're interested.

And then take a bite!

Seen Around Abu Dhabi: 3

(Photo property of Roula Corm)

The most expensive cappuccino in the world: Cappuccino with real gold shavings from Emirate Palace.

My Favorite Homemade Granola Bar Recipe

Ben gets hungry at work. Ravenous by the time he gets home, if he doesn't have protein... So I make him granola bars. (Annnnd, I might like them just a little bit, too...) "Roasteries," which were a new concept for me- places with barrels of dried fruits and nuts of all sorts, are very common here. It's easy to find and not super expensive to buy different kinds of nuts, which actually keep one full for longer than two minutes, since sometimes he doesn't have much of a break for lunch.

This is my favorite protein-packed granola recipe, though since the protein comes from nuts, it is also full of those natural fats found in nuts, so don't consider this necessarily a "healthy" recipe- but it is natural and uses real, whole foods. The cool thing about making granola is the fact that it is super easy to personalize- just switch out the things you don't like for things you do... but try to keep the ratio of dry to sticky ingredients the same overall so that it still forms a bar.

1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup raw/brown sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter (I used crunchy)

Heat on stove until sugar dissolves and then remove from heat and add peanut butter, then add to dry ingredients:

2 c oats
1 c sliced almonds (raw)
1 c sliced cashews (raw)
1 c walnuts
1/4 c flax
1 c favorite like dried fruit or chocolate chips.

Line 9x13 with foil or wax paper and bake at 350 until brown to your liking. I usually bake around 20 minutes. I slice while warm and then let cool, and wrap individually to send in lunches.

Seen in Abu Dhabi: 2

Did you know the locals here are called "Emirati"? The men wear all white usually (but sometimes wear other colors) and the women wear all black- because of this, some souvenir shops sell salt and pepper shakers in the form and dress color of Emiratis.

Kids Unscripted; Chapter 9

Talia: "I'm going to give you a point every time you laugh or have fun!"
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Talia: "I need more than one person to not be lonesome!"
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Talia: "Babies are the cutest kind of people!"
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Me: (to Elias) "Do you want a bite?" (putting it in his mouth.)
Elias: *Elias shakes his head 'no' and spits it out. Then, waves at it and says "bye bye" and promptly eats it.*
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Talia: "Mommy, do butterflies take baths?"
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Talia: "Does the wind have hands?"
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Me: "Would you like a cup of milk?"
Talia: "Can I have a couple of milk?"
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Talia: "I'm glad there are no lions in our house!"
Me: "Me too... Why did you say that?"
Talia: "Because they go 'RAWR' and they eat you up!"
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Talia: "Mommy, God did a good job when he made you."
Me: *speechless*
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Me: (singing a made-up lullaby) "Rockabye..."
Elias: *opens sleepy eyes, grins and waves 'bye.'*
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Talia: "I'm going to draw a sea-squirrel instead of a seahorse."
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Talia: (wrapped in a brown bath towel) "I look like chocolate ice cream!"
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Talia: "If we see a bug, should we spray killer-izer on it?"
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Talia: "Mommy, can bees get fat from honey?"
Me: "I think we know what to research in science next..."

Seen in Abu Dhabi: 1

A sight probably not seen many places besides Abu Dhabi, does this chair make you think of Aladdin?

The DIfference Between Having 1 Child and 2: part 1

A question I often asked veteran mothers of multiples was: "how did your second child change your family?" Neither Ben nor I wanted an only child, and we would love to have more, but that doesn't change the fact that going from one child to two is makes some big changes. I'm not sure what all of them are yet, (that's why this is part 1) as Elias is just now walking and not quite talking, which will both introduce new things, but I have noticed these changes:

Talia is learning the valuable character-building lesson of putting the smaller, weaker person before one's self. She entertains Elias when he cries and I can't immediately drop everything I'm doing to get him, because she cares for him and feels the compassion so many adults have lost for each other. Talia teaches Elias just as much as the adults in his life. One of his first words in the mornings is "Ta!" for "Talia" because he wants to go see her. His smile when he finally does, lights up the whole room! Talia is constantly explaining to Elias how the world works and, either he will learn words faster but not say them as quickly because she doesn't give him a chance, or he will learn how to get his 2 cents in also!

By no means do we find every moment rosy, and I don't know how we would grow if it were. Sometimes having more than one child means that the crying is multiplied. That same empathy that makes children feel each others' pain, also means when one is unhappy, sometimes it makes the other one cry too. This is especially true when they are both tired... but to be fair I have to also mention that the laughs are multiplied as well. Talia and Elias can start giggling at each other and build and build until they can barely breathe because they're laughing so hard. Those moments more than make up for the crying moments.

We haven't really noticed a change in expense yet, since Elias is still barely interested in anything beyond breast milk, we use mostly cloth diapers, and he's still considered a lap child for plane fare... but I know that day is coming. ;)

How did a second (or third, etc.) child change your family dynamics?